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(Hillbilly translation of “The Chicken Bone Syndrome”) Original text posted at www.pm-solutions.net/chicken.htm Eff’n thar’s one appreehenshun thet virtually all prospecks an’ clients share when it comes t’hirin’ a technology cornsultant, it’s th’ Possum Bone Syndrome. Let’s explain, as enny fool kin plainly see. Yo’’ve see the expert’s presentashun. His capabilities haf been demonstrated, cuss it all t’ tarnation. Th’ proposal is comprehensive an’ professhunal, ah reckon. He’s a varmintable so’t wif fine references. But th’ mighty reason yer hankerin’ t’hire him cuzs yo’ the dawgoned-est anxiety. He’s got th’ technology “possum bones.” How offen will yo’ hafta call on him t’wave his possum bones on over th’ sof’ware t’make it wawk? How much bone-wavin’ is involved in settin’ up a noo employee on th’ system? Whut in tarnation eff’n he goes on vacashun an’ takes th’ possum bones wif him? Whut in tarnation’s th’ one quesshun o’ objeckive thet’s not bein’ cornsidered thet c’d double th’ origeenal budgit some time in th’ future? Wal, Projeck Management Solushuns develops cestomized systems usin’ Filemaker Pro, a database program thet “han’les typical database-administrashun taxs autymatically – wif li’l need fo’ a trained administrato’ (i.e. “near lights-out administrashun”)” acco’din’ t’Aberdeen Group, a leadin’ IT market analysis firm, dawgone it. So th’ program itse’f is stable. An’ our solushuns haf proven stable in multi-user invironments processin’ thousan’s of reco’ds simultaneously. But whut about addin’ a noo user, o’ changin’ a drop-down menu choice, o’ dooplycatin’ a fo’m letter layo’t? As part of our service corntrack, o’ on an hourly basis, we’ll make th’ requested changes. Thar’s a sho’t larnin’ curve t’these types of mino’ modificashuns an’ inhancements, an’ we c’d jest as easily train a designated in-house database administrato’ t’make them, dawgone it. Th’ choice is yourn. It’s also part of yer job t’consider wo’st-case scenarios. Whut in tarnation eff’n th’ system ma’funckshuns an’ the cornsultant is ill, on vacashun, travelin’ o’ not returnin’ calls? In our case, we’re assosheeated wif two other local Filemaker developers thet is briefed on th’ struckure an’ corncepps behind our solushuns sh’d we need backup suppo’t. An’ whut about th’ quesshuns yo’ don’t knows to ax, o’ th’ objeckives yet t’emerge? While it’s likely fo’ issues t’emanate in th’ course of development, they’re unlikely t’alter the timetable, budgit o’ primary objeckives. Creatin’ t’other repo’t fo’mat o’ an extry database t’separeete prospecks fum clients may be part of th’ process of fine-tunin’ th’ solushun. So while we’re hired on account o’ of our expertise, we’re allus willin’ t’share it wif our clients. We’re not inclined t’ “lock down” th’ sof’ware t’prohibit user modificashun. We’ll be available t’enhance th’ funckshunality, an’ empower our clients t’do it themselves. Possum bones aren’t all they’re cracked up t’be, ennyway.
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